The nerd that I am has actually been keeping up with some of the premieres this week. Why is this so odd? Because I swear initially Heroes was the only series premiere I was interested in watching. Suddenly, after Heroes it was Grey's Anatomy, than Life, than bits of Bionic Woman. Somebody help me, the media's sucked me in. Also I've developed found myself watching reruns of the O.C. (does anyone agree with me that the show would have been ten times better if Ryan and Seth were just really doing each other?).

Despite the fact that I've been dabbling and enjoying fics that aren't slash, I apparently am not short of gay-ness on the brain. What do you mean you ask?

Well, was anyone else screeching at the screen when we all found out Suresh and Matt we're living together? Not to mention, the dirty images I got in my head when Nathan was all protective of that picture of him and Peter. I'm just saying.

Also in Grey's Anatomy the part with McSteamy told McDreamy (note, I'm not supposed to watch Grey's Anatomy it goes against my anti-establishment code of ethics so I've never really learned their names) roughly paraphased as "I didn't come back for the hospital, or for Addison. I came back for you! I wan't you back!"

*pauses* Exactly.

Let's just say my pervy brain was in overdrive after that. Like a lot.

Then I was watching Life, which is about a cop who is relased from prison after after evidence that initially said he was guilty, proves inconclusive and as a result get's a huge cash settlement. He also starts working as a detective and basically becomes the House of the PD. After that premiere I started having these really dirty ideas of a little Oz-like porn-but I have witheld the urge to look for fiction.

Well you'd think that was the end of it right? Oh no, apparently I'm a lot honier than I thought. Since of course after watching reruns of O.C. My brain was (again) convinced that Seth and Ryan we're so boinking each other in the background. Seriously, their relationship was probably the most continuous and stable on the show. Plus the idea of Ryan naked just make me happy.

However it was this final thought that really convinced me I was in slash overdrive. So this afternoon, I'm watching reruns of Bionic Woman and lo and behold I have this idea. I says to myself, self wouldn't it be totally hot if the main character (the brunette girl- as I have NO idea what the characters names are) and the other bionic woman (the blond crazy one from Battlestar Galactica) decided to ditch their respective partners and have hot lesbian-bionic sex with each other.

I've never really been into the whole femslash aspect of the fandom, but hey I always like to try new things. Heh

So I just watched the first episode of Heroes and it rocked sooooo much. I think I was having simultaneous heart attacks over everything and I practically had an orgasm when I saw Peter. Ooooooh. Is it just me or is the guy who's supposed to play Claire's new love interest kinda creepy. Seriously, "so you're a robot?" Plus the spying thing is kinda weird. Still, the new character Alejandro makes me salavate a lot. Oooh, new hottie to drool over. *sigh* my pervy little mind is of course gonna start picturing him and Peter doing the dirty.

Plus, for my birthday, my best friend in the world not only came to watch heroes with me, but she got me the Season 1 DVD of Heroes. Plus my other bestest friend just announced she's pregnant. Which makes me feel oddly excited for her. I'm hoping it's a girl. Her other kids are two boys and I love them to death, but I always wanted to spoil a baby girl.

tonight, my parents took me to my favorite suishi joint- it was great! Tomorrow I'm going out with Tina and the girls for a birthday dinner at Korean Palace, then on Friday Lor and the others will be taking me to Firefly. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends-who while occassionally piss me off-are still there for the good and the bad.

My brother left this morning and it's suprisingly making me very depressed. I guess the difference is that when he's here, my family gives a shit about stuff. He would actually clean and make efforts to get everyone to eat at the same time. Heh.

September 17th, 2007
9/17/07 07:12 pm



I have to remind myself over and over again. Don't get frustrated. Don't get frustrated. I REALLY hate NCLEX.

( BEHIND THE LINK )

EDIT: OK WRONG INFORMATION. SHE WAS NOT FIRED (http://poponthepop.com/2007/09/07/the-vanessa-hudgens-is-fired-from-disney-rumors-are-false/) That's what I get for not checking.
Current Mood: sad
Tags: gossip, personal

Sometimes the world just sucks. What makes it suck even more is when you or someone you know has to pay for the fuck up's of other people. Then the world becomes a pit of bitterness.

So-

FUCK YOU GOV GUAM & THE BITCH IN CHARGE OF THE PRO-TECH SCHOLARSHIP ON GUAM AT UOG

FUCK YOU SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST CLINIC REGISTER CLERK

So on a break from stuyding again. *sigh* It feels as if everytime I think I have a handle on the NCLEX, I get a question that just prooves I don't. God there's so much content.

*deep breath*

On a happier note, just a few more weeks 'till Heroes comes out. Yah!

NBC official description from heroesrevealed.com:

“HEROES”
“FOUR MONTHS LATER…”

09/24/2007 (09:00PM - 10:00PM) (Monday): AS THE EMMY-NOMINATED “HEROES” RETURNS, THE EXTRAORDINARY STRIVE TO BE ORDINARY FOUR MONTHS AFTER THE EXPLOSIVE EVENTS IN NEW YORK, BUT DEADLY NEW THREATS LOOM AS BRAND-NEW INDIVIDUALS WITH ABILITIES EMERGE WORLDWIDE — WRITTEN BY EXECUTIVE PRODUCER/CREATOR TIM KRING AND DIRECTED BY EXECUTIVE PRODUCER GREG BEEMAN —

As the second volume of “Heroes” begins, the fates of Peter (Milo Ventimiglia), Nathan (Adrian Pasdar) and Matt (Greg Grunberg) are revealed, following the horrible showdown with Sylar (Zachary Quinto) and Peter’s uncontrolled nuclear detonation miles above New York City. As everyone attempts to move on, a new sinister force begins stalking and murdering Heroes. With the family hiding in Southern California, H.R.G. (Jack Coleman) and Claire (Hayden Panettiere) attempt to live as inconspicuously as possible…which proves to be easier said than done. Meanwhile, after landing in feudal Japan, Hiro (Masi Oka) meets his hero Takezo Kensei (David Anders). Twins Maya (Dania Ramirez) and Alejandro Herrera (Shalim Ortiz) hope to make the crossing into the U.S. from Mexico, in hopes of finding help with their deadly abilities.

Dana Davis, Noah Gray-Cabey, James Kyson Lee, Ali Larter, Sendhil Ramamurthy also star. Nick D’Agosto, Lyndsy Fonseca, Cristine Rose, Barry Shabaka Henley, George Takei, Eriko Tamura and Adair Tishler guest star.



*does a happy dance* it comes out on my birthday too! YAH!!!!

So a few mornings ago, I woke, suddenly sat up causing a massive headache and nausea muttering, "the first sign of digoxin toxicity is nausea and voimiting."

Plus my friend actually came up with this cool acronym to help remember which foods have potassium in it: Potatoes, Oranges, Tomatoes, Avocadoes, Strawberrie, Spinach, Mushrooms. She couldn't think of one with I or U though. Plus after a small debate, I learned that whole-wheat cereal has Phosphorus.

I HATE my life.

Evil, evil exam.

The past has a funny way of coming back to haunt you when you least expect it. Today's little luncheon reminded me about some past events and people that really hurt me before.

I spent the first few years in nursing school with a set of different friends. They were complete opposites of the friends I have now. Things with them were great at first, but as school became harder and more stressful things just fell apart. It's true that adversity brings about the truth in people. I learned a lot of things about myself (both good and bad) and I also learned a lot about my friends (mostly bad). I'll admit, that I probably wasn't always a good person. I conformed to much to their "standards" and tended to agree with whatever they did or said.

Still by the time our friendship ended they had picked apart myself image and damaged it so much I didn't know who I was anymore. I always had a negative self-image as a teenager, but it became even worse after them. It came about mostly because I was very different from them. Most of them had been teenage mothers and were now single moms, who had had to struggle with the day to day demands of nursing school. I was the youngest, living with my parents, single and umarried.

I also usually excelled at the theory portions of school while they had to work harder at it. I also tuggled with the practical application. So I made a lot of mistakes. Like and idiot, I usually told them my mistakes and they used them against me. Anytime I did well in the theory, they always balanced it out with a nice little sneer and jeer about how I would never be a good nurse anway since I wasn't good at clinicals. Not to mention my study habbits were very different from theirs. I still procrastinated, but I took more of the day-to-day work more seriously and valued good grades. On the other hand, they thought the more you procrastinated (while still managing to pass) the better you were as a nurse and a person.

Even after I stopped being friends with them, did more clinical hours and got better, their voices continued to taunt me and nibble at any confidence I developed in clinicals. My new (and current) friends helped reverse some of that. They allowed me to be myself and instead of holding it against me, they taught me to value it. They gave me strength and helped me find my priorities again.

Despite this though, I still continue to have doubts about myself and my abilities. Even after I have now that I have graduated and have left school, conversations about what happened with them still get to me like this. It's sad and pathetic, but just talking about it reminds me that no matter how far I go or how far I have gotten (ie graduating, getting magma cumlaude) I can still hear them and their words still make me feel like shit.

So I found this pretty little vid (not by me) on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8IEWA-hy1s

The vid (while primarily slashy in its overtones) also teases on the fact that I really enjoye fics where they're just close, as brothers. I actually got into a discussion about that with ladycat777 at one point about incest vs. just regular brotherly love. While I like incesty fics (in both SPN and Heroes fandoms) I still find myself enjoying fics where the main characters relationships as brothers are explored.

I think at one point I was fascinated with fics depicting brotherly love (in the familial sense) between Jake and Tom from Animorphs-though I only ever found one. I suppose my fascination stems from the fact that (to me) most men have difficulty with relationships in general, but when they have a brother their close too it's like watching your favorite show. You can't help but stare at the utter uniqueness of the whole thing.

Still, *snicker* my more porny side still get's a kick out of reading incesty stuff. I supposed it's safe to say I like BOTH immensely.

EDIT: Does anybody have any Heroes Recs, prefferebly long with more focus on a Heroes plot than on a pairing (ie AUs), starring Peter- slash or gen welcomed?

Seriously, studying for this damn test feels like hitting your head on a wall over and over again.

karenbear is a genius. I cracked up the whole time I was reading this: Xander the Wonder Slut

(http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=karenbear&keyword=Xander+the+Wonder+Slut&filter=all)[Bad username: � � ]

Found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGwRYfuQZ7c

and after watching it over and over again several times I got most of the stuff, despite the bad quality and what not. Heroes is coming, heroes is coming. It's also technically coming out on the 24 of September, but since we're earlier than the states, it's showing on the 25th whcih is my birthday. That day, I am NOT leaving my house and if I do we will be back before Heroes comes on.

If there was a sin for self-pity (which there probably is but I think I fell asleep to many times in church) I think I've committed it like a hundred times in the last few days. God, it's just sad when I'm listening to Sia's Breathe Me 3 or 4 times a day and thinking about how boring I am and wanting someone to commiserate me. Apparently this emo bullshit didn't pass in high school.

So it's really early in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm also craving hurricane popcorn. According to a friend of mine from Hawaii it's something that's pretty popular there. Gotta buy Mochi rice crackers though. I got the Nori already, and my mom just bought some low fat butter popcorn. I know it probably won't taste as good as REAL butter popcorn but I'm still trying to keep my diet.

In other news craving BTVS xander fics. I was watching old clips of BTVS season 1 and god do I miss it. Remember when Xander still had a real part, or when Oz was still around, or better yet when Buffy didn't look so anorexic. In my search on youtube I also found clips of the episode where willow and xander were vampires. Note: I love xander as a vamp. Mind you the emphasis was more on willow than xan, but still he was hot there. I was practically cross-eyes with dirty, dirty slash thoughts when the Master started stroking his face and um the part where he's watching willow torture angel....hm.

Also found other little tidbits. There's a clip of another actress playing Willow in a sorta alternate pilot. It was basically the same story (at least from what I saw) as the pilot but the actress playing willow was actually large (according to what I found initially they were gonna make willow chubby) and NOT allyson. Also the overall look of the school was a little different. It looked a little more 90210-ish. As a bonus Xander was orginally a skatter-which in my own bias perspective made him look good.

Taking a break from studying. Oooh, I finally got my insurance worked out. Apparently I misunderstood my *ahem* contract and I've been paying copayments-thinking I'd accumulate these to reach my deductible. What I was SUPPOSED to do was pay the full bill of my all my doctors visits-both the charge for the visits + copayment until I reached my 250.00 deductable. THEN I would be reimburrsed if I had to pay more than 250.00, and my medical benefits would kick in-meaning instead of paying the full bill, I would only pay the copayment.

You know now that I figured it out, it sounds so easy. *sigh* I guess I was just used to my other insurance which required a higher monthly fee, but only required copayments for each doctors visits. The sucky thing is, my insurance expires next week and I'll have to start on COBRA. Which of course means my 250.00 deductable WILL START OVER.

Also, thinking about my exam is making me nervous. I should have been a prostitute damnit!

You know, I hate my body. I'm sure everybody says it, but I really do. Ok, I haven't been eating as healthy as I used to during the semester, but I haven't gained any weight and I actually managed to lose 4-5 lbs more. Why is it that everytime I look at a picture I look as if I gained even more weight back.

Plus being 4"9 sucks. According to the BMI I'm supposed to get down to 115 (at the most!) Plus according to my waist circumference, I'm at .9 something, which basically says (according to the scale) I'm at high risk for developing heart disease and all those lovely things. Ugh, ya know it's passed beyond looking thin. I just don't want to get diabetes when I'm pregnant OR when I'm old. I want to be healthy damnit!

Still I have managed to lose almost 18lbs in the last nine months. Plus I'm proud to say I did it all the healthy way too! No yo-yo dieting or skipping meals! Now I just need to get back into that again....

HATE HATE HATE MY insurance company. Nothing but a bunch of bloodsucking bastards who take advantage of you when you really need medical help. They give you monthly fees and a deductible, then when you meet your deductible, they can refuse to pay some of them even though you FUCKEN had to get their approval for most of the visits anyway.

Background: I have an insurance with an inidivdual $250 dedcutible.

What happened: I had to get an MRI for my left knee. I basically went through the whole process. The receptionist at the Orthopedics clinic made the formal request, then when I got approved, I went ahead and made an appointment with the MRI clinic here. Also, the MRI place that I went too, DOES NOT TAKE APPOINTMENTS WITHOUT PRIOR APPROVAL FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY!!! They made my appointment and I got my MRI done. Now FUCKEN months later I get a bill for $900 something dollars, for the fucken MRI. According to the letter attached from the insurance, they refused to pay the fucken bill because I hadn't met my deductable.

Ok here's the thing: I haven't turned in any of my receipts yet, but I have tallied them up and have thus far reached the $250.00 deductible. So it's understandable why they said I haven't paid my fucken deductable.

Question: Why is it that their REFUSING to pay the $900 something when my deductable is fucken $250.00. These people are a bunch of morons. Are they even fucken AWARE of their own insurance poilicies? $900-$250= WHAT YOU FUCKEN OWE THE CLINIC ANYWAY!!! Conveniently, the MRI group sent the letter to me on Friday, so now I have to wait till Monday to talk to MRI and call the morons at the insurance company to get this shit straightened out!!!

So I'm a weak, weak person and I got an insane journal too. So far, I'm liking the layone better than GJ.